Bijuu experiments
by Your.Neko.Chan
Summary: A vampire jinchuuriki shukaku's new host is discussing an experiment to do with all of the nine tailed beasts. Naruto characters not included


This is a text message conversation that I had with a friend. The basic theme is that I am a Vampire Jinchuuriki and we decided to test what would happen if a Jinchuuriki had all of the nine bijuu in them. This is what resulted. If you are not criminally insane yet, I suggest you don't read this. WARNING: MAY CAUSE INSANITY IN NORMAL PEOPLE.

[Do you need any more warnings?] I may turn this into a story if I get round to it. Reviews welcomed, flames used to bake cookies that will NOT be shared with flamers. The first line is me, the next is my friend Andrew.

Actually, if you were possessed by all of them it would probably tear you apart. After all Kyuubi no Youko nearly killed Nibi no Nekomata.

Mere details… There's one way to be certain. How do you feel about being the test subject?

Do you have the human sacrifices necessary, and the spirits?

Well let's just say that Paulo won't be getting top marks anymore. How many sacrifices do you think we'd need?

Well I already have Shukaku in me so 8, one for each of the others.

Ok, that should be enough to get rid of the dickheads in my English class. Now where did I leave those spirits? *looks outside. Beasts destroying suburb* Oh…

That's what that noise was? Ok. Ah! I just realized! I can kill the annoying people in maths! Yatta!

A few more sacrifices never hurt anyone… The more the better!

They don't need to be. I can use a different beasts power against them :D

Well you still need to get more tailed beasts first. So you need to grab one of the ones rampaging outside.

How many are outside?

Umm 5 or 6. I managed to trap some in a few people.

Why? I want them.

Safe keeping. After all people are easier to knock out.

Good point. Well out of all 9 I have the one with the least chakra, but not the weakest. That's Yonbi no Sokou.

How about you collect the rest of the tailed beasts and I'll get the rest of the sacrifices.

But you have the easy job! I've gotta go against toxic rooster snake things! And Kyuubi!

I suppose I could use amaterasu and stop them but where's the fun in that?

Well I would like to have them all sealed at the same time. I do have exams coming up. Amaterasu away Uchiha Andrew.

I'm sure we could get them all sealed by tomorrow. Then you can revise away. That is if you survive anyway…

I will survive. Don't you worry about that. You you worry about fighting a demon that has never lost a fight.

Yes… Never lost… Until now!

We shall see Uchiha Andrew… In the mean time, I shall take down the 8 tails.

Are you sure you can beat an 8 tails? Could be difficult for you. I suppose I'll get started on the 9 tails then.

Trust me, the 8 tails is no problem. I have more than enough power.

Well since you're so confident I might let you take care of all the others as well. Then all I have to worry about is that stupid nine tailed fox.

Careful, it can use fire! And is the king of Bijuu. Also it's sadistic and capable of human speech. He battled for 100 years with Yamata no Orochi!

Oh well guess I better get started then *cracks knuckles and walks out door* *runs in on fire* hmm this could take a while.

Also, beware of the cyclones (tails), balls of fire (fur) and long claws and fangs.

Ah huh. Anything else I should look out for? Now I just have to avoid the cyclones, fire, fangs and claws. Simple.

Hmmm, no one really knows its strength, it has an endless supply of chakra. Be smart with this.

Right, unknown power that's encouraging. Maybe I can beat it down by doing something so stupid it won't expect it.

Yea… I don't think that's going to work…

As if it isn't the smartest (and best) plan ever intended

*Sighs* I'll beat the others then help you with the Kyuubi

Hmm having the other 8 would make it a lot easier. So you get the others whilst I distract it with demon dog food.

But it's a fox. I'll take the dog food for the 5 tails, stupid control over 5 elements and illusions.

Ok if you think it'll help. I guess I'll just feed the 9 tails some people in the mean time.

Aim for the dick heads at school.

Good idea. It won't eat Kernaham though. Guess even demons have standards.

Yeah, I'll get him tomorrow, don't worry. *Pats Bomb* meet my "Bogan Missile"

I hear they're super effective. Though to be on the safe side, use two.


End file.
